An Experiment Where Guinea Pigs are Guinea Pigs

An Experiment Where Guinea Pigs are Guinea Pigs is a questline for the War of Art Promotional which was released on March 19, 2014.

QuestsEdit

DialogueEdit

An Experiment Where Guinea Pigs are Guinea Pigs Pt. 1Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Residents of Springfield, do not panic, but we are experiencing an invasion by an alien species." "Every neighborhood, every street is being overwhelmed by--"
	"GUINEA PIGS!!!" "Dad, I've always wanted one, and here are dozens wandering the streets, desperate to be rescued, and I'm the FIRST LITTLE GIRL on the scene!!"
	"Hmmm, don't you think we should just call animal control? Or lots of speeding cars?"
	"No, Dad! Let me take them. I'd be the perfect guinea pig owner. I even know their common health problems, which include wheezing..." "...crusty eyes, receding eyes, drooling, watery diarrhea, anorexia, bladder stones, limping, and mange mites."
	"That sound like a lot of fun, honey. But how about anything in the world else?"
	"We have to rescue them. Guinea pigs are mistreated everywhere. Did you know that in Peru people eat them?"
	"Wait, they what?"
	"Nothing, Dad! They nothing."
	"I just have one question: how long are they cooked and at what temperature and are they brined and what sauces bring out their delicate flavor?"
	"They're getting away! Help me rescue them!"

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Where did these poor guinea pigs come from?"
	"It's common for people to dump unwanted pets in Springfield." "That's why there's a flock of parrots in the tree, a bunch of ferrets living under Moe's and hundreds of monkeys in Professor Frink's lab." "It's strange that so many people didn't want their monkeys."
	"That's horrible! But I'll never give a single one of these cute guinea pigs away -- ow! They, what white one just bit me!"

An Experiment Where Guinea Pigs are Guinea Pigs Pt. 2Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Uh-oh, I see blue hair coming this way."
	"Homer! There's are 40 guinea pigs in Lisa' room!"
	"I know, honey. I'll find a tactic to make her get rid of them right away."
	"Good."
	"Uh, what tactic do you suggest I use?"
	"Parenting!"
	"Okay I'll try, but I haven't had much luck with it before." "Lisa! You can't keep these guinea pigs here. You have to find a home for them right now or you don't get to go to Janie's birthday party."
	"Okay."
	"Good lord, this "parenting" thing is some powerful mojo."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"Dad, I found a guinea pig rescue center on Craigslist!"
	"Ah, Craigslist -- the site that killed off classified ads, the yellow pages, and escorts having nowhere to advertise."
	"The land the rescue center was on was taken over by survivalists, so the center's looking for new land. Apparently it's easy to move -- it's a "manufactured home."
	"In my day, those were called "mobile homers" and the residents were proud to be called trailer trash." "But there's no name for these "manufactured home" people! Why must we ruin everything"
	"Dad, I'm a little tired of hearing your "take" on things. Can't we just find some land?"
	"Land! The only thing in the world that God's not making any more of...except during the Squidport update."

An Experiment Where Guinea Pigs are Guinea Pigs Pt. 3Edit

StartEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"I'm so glad we finally found a home for all those adorable guinea pigs." "Can we go there right now and make sure that the workers are calling them by the names I gave them? It's easy to confuse Iphigenia for Clytemnestra."
	"Sure, we can go. My shoes can always use a few minutes of standing in shallow pails of bleach."

EndEdit

Character	Dialogue
	"The guinea pigs look so happy! And only a couple of them have bumblefoot or slobbers."
	"Bumblefoot or the slobbers?" What are those?"
	"Guinea pigs diseases. But not to worry, I don’t think humans can get them…Dad, you tripped! Are you okay?"
	"Yea, that’s weird — my foot suddenly doesn't fit in my shoe. And I’m drooling like crazy."
	"Oh, Dad, Pokey the guinea pig is looking at you! Can I please adopt him?"
	*slobbering no*
	"Please, please, please, please….?"
	*unintelligible slobbers*

"That’s great, but I wanted a guinea pig."

TriviaEdit

• Lisa names her guinea pigs Iphigenia and Clytemnestra
  • Iphigenia is a daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra in Greek mythology, whom Agamemnon is commanded to kill as a sacrifice to allow his ships to sail to Troy.
  • Clytemnestra, in Greek legend, a daughter of Leda and Tyndareus and wife of Agamemnon, commander of the Greek forces in the Trojan War. She took Aegisthus as her lover while Agamemnon was away at war. Upon his return, Clytemnestra and Aegisthus murdered Agamemnon. Clytemnestra was then killed by her son, Orestes, with the help of his sister Electra, in revenge for his father's murder.