All the Belles and Whistles is a premium questline for the Level 57 content update that was released on September 3, 2015. To start the quest, the player has to purchase the Maison Derriere.
"Hey you, any idea why this place is quieter than a duck at a gun show?"
"Get with the times! Everyone has phones now. Why require a specific time and place for your racy entertainment when you can have it in the car, at home, even while on trial for public indecency?"
"Then why are you here?"
"I dropped my phone in the toilet and now my pornography delivery device will only place calls."
All the Belles and Whistles Pt. 2[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"With the Internet around, how on earth do these obsolete nightclubs stay in business? How does anything stay in business?"
"They adapt, evolve, and serve more all-you-can eat buffets."
"Plus the Internet's not all bad -- it can be used for cheap advertising."
"You don't even need to pay for advertising. Just make something that people will want to share with their friends."
"The best bang for the buck is viral marketing."
"Yeah, and the best viral marketing is a bang for a buck."
"I've been subjected to viral campaigns from many of the women down at the docks."
"I'm really starting to wonder why I hired you three as my marketing team."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"We got them to put their phones down! And all it took was a quality show, a giant sign that said "No Phones", and holding the event 30 feet underground."
"But this proves that people prefer the real thing! Why look at naked women you can't touch on the Internet for free when you can pay to look at real naked women you can't touch here!"
"Hold up, there are free pictures of naked women on the Internet?"
"How could you possibly not know that, Lenny?"
"I prefer the lost art of letters. Or I did. But now I'm getting a computer!"
All the Belles and Whistles Pt. 3[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"Where have all the good men gone? And bad men? And those men that mean well but smell like feet."
"Girls' night out! We're busting down the doors, shattering the glass ceiling, politely drawing back the velvet curtain and taking back the night!"
"But I need to be back by 8:30 so I can shame Seymour into going to bed."
"Then we'll take back half the night."
"I would like to purchase a meaningful conversation about womanhood from the lady wearing the dice bra."
"I'm going to get drunk on female empowerment... and whatever's in that green bottle over there."
End[]
Character
Dialogue
"This is boring. Can I give back the night I've taken back? Or is this a no returns situation? Can I get a night's credit?"
"It's not all bad. A girl offered to teach me how to play ping-pong without a net or paddles."
"I see you've discovered some of our extra services. They are for our VIP clients."
"Well, I find the whole scene a little too soft R for my tastes."
"Yeah, you ladies go home, I'm going to register a complaint with their management."
"Psst...are you hiring?"
“
New permanent job at the Maison Derriere available for Ms. Hoover.
”
— In-Game Message
All the Belles and Whistles Pt. 4[]
Start[]
Character
Dialogue
"I appreciate the business, even if it was out of spite. But why are you calling it a night so soon?"
"I need to check on Homer, he's been gaining a lot of weight ever since he stopped going out drinking every night."
"I didn't realize how important the walk from the car to the bar was to his health."
"Yeah, Julius hasn't left for any of those midnight medical conferences in a while now."
"Please, your men are all home looking at naked women on the Internet!"
"Timothy wouldn't be doing that. He just sits in the basement playing with his relatively loud train set with the door locked."
"Come on, I took a class from a nice man from the NSA on how to spy on your family members. Now who knows what a browser history is?"
Jobs Started[]
Character
Dialogue
"Homer! I want you to explain these websites you've been visiting! Barely Legal Cheese. Sinful Chocolate Cakes. Ask Jeeves?"
"I can't help it Marge, I'm an addict! At first three meals plus a snack were enough to satisfy me."
"Then I added a fourth meal. Meals became buffets. Buffets became smorgasbords-"
"*sob* I'm a monster! Look, I know I've been bad and if you want to take the computer away that's fine."
"But for the love of God, just don't delete my cookies."
All the Belles and Whistles Pt. 5[]
Character
Dialogue
"What's got you guys down? You look more depressed than 1929."
"Too soon!"
"Marge keeps spying on my private Internet time, which reduces the trust in our relationship AND the time I have to secretly look at porn."
"I used to think the Internet was like my children's school: private. But now I see it's more like medical records: not private at all."
"I think I've got exactly what the doctor ordered."