"Is there a more heartwarming holiday tradition than turning off the electricity of delinquent customers?" "Let's see: South Street Orphange... off! Sisters of Infinite Mercy... off! The Cratchit Family -- shame about little Tim, but what are you going to do... off!"
"Ebenezer Burns! Change your ways before it is too late!"
"Excuse me, Spirit, but you're blocking the power turner-offer."
"Repent your evil deeds! Or suffer in hellfire for all eternity..."
"The only eternity I care about is how long this conversation is taking. Now where was I... ah, yes! The Springfield Home for Wounded Firefighters... off!"
A Holiday Hymn Pt. 2[]
Character
Dialogue
"Tonight, Ebenezer Burns, you will be visited by three spirits. The Spirit of Christmas Past--"
"No! No, spare me! I'll do anything you say! Please take pity on my poor soul!"
"Oh, uh, really? Great. Okay, first thing is to buy a fat goose for the Cratchits, then--"
"I wasn't serious, moron! Do you have any idea who I am? I happen to be on a first name basis with your boss."
"Actually, I'm a benign spirit of mercy. Not a devil."
"Oh, I didn't realize! A spirit of mercy! Well OF COURSE I'll heed your message."
"... Are you being serious this time, or..."
"No, you imbecile! Now shut up and wait in the corner until I'm ready for you. I've got work to do."
A Holiday Hymn Pt. 3[]
Character
Dialogue
Ebenezer, let's skip the whole "Christmas past" thing and visit the modest home of one of your current employees.
Is it Smithers? Because I walked in on him once, and I will not make that mistake again.
Silence! Homer Simpson has been your faithful employee lo these many years. And look at the squalor in which he lives. Shame on you. Shame!
Shame on me?! Have you seen this man's attendance record?
Well, uh, no. But I don't see how it's relevant.
He's missed fifty-four days this year. Still want to call him my "faithful employee?" Think maybe the squalor could be self-inflicted?
Huh. Well, you understand, I didn't have access to these records. Had I known--
Idiot.
Know what I'm going to do? I'm going to redo the shift assignments so everyone has to work on Christmas. Just to annoy you.
A Holiday Hymn Pt. 4[]
Character
Dialogue
Seriously, Ebenezer. I'm only trying to help here.
You can help by handing me that wrench.
Here you go. It's just, from where I'm sitting, it seems like a few years of repenting is a small price to pay for an eternity in Heaven.
That's a solid deal, any way you look at it.
Could you take a step back? You're blocking my light.
Sure, sure. Say, what are you building there, anyway?
You'll see.
A Holiday Hymn Pt. 5[]
Character
Dialogue
Say, what is that thing you've built?
I'm modifying the ghost vacuum from the Halloween update. Vacuuming is too good for you annoying creatures.
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